Round 2 Recap

What a week gentlemen, Christmas had to wait till Monday night late to come to our two owners who've made it into the championship game as both barely won their respective matchups during the Monday night game.

Let's take a look at each of these games in a little more detail.

First up Because Shawn Hated TY vs. Prestige Worldwide...

Oh so close, but finally we can put these two penny eaters out to pasture as the team that should've never been here has finally gone down. Even with career games out of three players XXX didn't have enough to take down the mighty PWW.

Let's look at the move...on wait, that's moves...that cost this team a win this week...

But wait? You'll say that's a move from last week! How can that even matter, but in fantasy football every move matters my friends...

Last week XXX would have still won their matchup even with playing Dwayne Allen (3 points last week), hell they could have not even played a TE and still won. The score would've been 90-89, but last time I checked that's a win. Look it up, I'm right, I'm always right don't question my logic and math...this week Dwayne Allen put a cool six (6) points, which is just enough to get this team the win 138 to 137.

Also remember this trade late late in the season?

Yep, looks like that one came back to bite them in the ass too...So we can all say without a shadow of a doubt, that one owner truly did cost this team a shot at winning the league this year....FAIL

Next we have Team Stenmark vs. Mr. Steal Your Gurley...

It's only fitting that this matchup came down to a kicker missing not 1, but 2 extra points to cost the man who wants kickers out of the league a shot in the championship game...talk about karma!

But let's be honest Team Stenmark didn't even deserve to make it this far, he's been playing with house money since November and eventually he was going to lose, just sucks that if he loses the next game he's out any championship money.

Plus no one, I mean no one should win a playoff game in the championship bracket putting up less than 100 points...oh wait...

Well by this time next week we will again be giving all our hard earned money to Prestige Worldwide or shipping it off to Denver to Mr. Steal Your Gurley.

Playoffs Round Duece

Welcome to the second week, both underdogs from last week won, so somehow here we are...it's not really fun when the teams you make fun of win, I kinda makes you look like an asshole and douchebag even though you're already doing a great job of that anyway by writing a blog about an imaginary team of professional athletes run by overweigh, out of shape, balding middle aged men.

Anyways, I digress....Our first matchup!  Again similarly to last week, this one doesn't even appear close, but last week these boys somehow found a way to turn an 18 point line into a 17 point victory.
Somewhere, somehow their luck has to run out right? Plus this week they find themselves taking on a team that's only lost twice in two (2) years.

Normally I'd say bank on Prestige Worldwide for the victory, but these two have defy all logic this season.

It's truly going to be two idiots, one trophy this off season.

The only thing Because Shawn Hated TY has going for themselves is Matty Ice, looking over everything else you're really just dumbfounded at how they won last week or even made it in the playoffs to begin with.

Personally I'd love it if either Kenny Britt or Sam Bradford tipped the scales in either team's favor, but hell like that will happen...the fantasy gods have not been kind to me this season in any facet.

Final Thoughts: Prestige Worldwide plays for his second championship in a row and third overall next week.

Dos Match Up

In what should be the more competitively balanced matchup of the week, Team Stenmark travels to the snowy peaks of the rockies to take on Mr. Steal Your Gurley.

This one should be close, but I see the tired broken down horse that is Team Stenmark finally arriving at the glue factory in this one as Mr. Steal Your Gurley finishes his last season in our league out in the championship game.

Happy Chrismahanukwazakah to you and whoever you fall asleep next to each night, either living or inanimate.

Playoffs Round 1

Tonight we begin what will be a three (3) week odyssey to see if anyone can dethrone the mighty and oppressive Prestige Worldwide. Throw out the records because it's win or go home from here on out gentlemen.

Six (6) teams will enter, but only one (1) will emerge victorious with mostly Philanthropist Fletch's spoils and a big ass trophy.

First let me take a moment to congratulate each and everyone of you gentlemen on making it this far. You each can take solace in knowing that you are better than 12 other teams. These pitiful excuses for fantasy football managers have nothing on you and should consider themselves lucky to even be allowed in the same room as you at draft time.

Secondly, you must each come to the realization that five of you will ultimately be a sad, pathetic loser in three weeks unless you win the league. You might of made the playoffs, but unless you win, you're just like the rest of those scum who didn't even make it this far.

So getting that out of the way, let's take a look at each team

#1 - Prestige Worldwide - The obvious favorite here, he's led wire to wire and unless a major injury happens to his team, he's going to win.

#2 - Mr. Steal Your Gurley - He's scored the most points in the league and somehow his three RB strategy in a PPR league has worked.

#3 - Team Stenmark - WHY ARE YOU HERE?

#4 - Team Shaft - The only team to beat PWW, so you know he's capable of winning the big game, he draws an easy opening round matchup setting up a bromance matchup made in heaven in the 2nd round.

#5 - Because Shawn Hated TY - Somehow these two will find a way to lose.

#6 - Stormin Mormon - One last shot at glory for this team b/c he won't be getting invited back next year, but at least he will get his own planet someday.

Let get to this week's playoff match-ups...

Our first matchup shouldn't even be close as Team Shaft takes on those two (2) lovable mongoloids Because Shawn Hated TY or as I like to call their team....Because We Both Hate the Gym.

As you can see there's really no reason to discuss this matchup because simply it won't even be close even if Julio Jones suits up for Atlanta.

Here's another fun fact about Because Shawn Hated TY...of their nine (9) starters, they only draft five (5), talk about a roster full of waiver wire adds!

Final Thoughts: Team Shaft wins by over 20 and moves on to take on the Prestige Worldwide machine.

Our second matchup provides a little more drama, but still could be a one-sided affair as Stormin Mormon takes on Team Stenmark.

Team Stenmark shouldn't even been in the playoffs, but thanks to playing in the league's worst division finds himself with a winnable matchup in the first round.

Final Thoughts: If both Riddick and Thomas play then Team Stenmark narrowly limps into the second round, but know the luck of this team, don't count on it.

Regular Season Wrap-Up

A wise man once stated "If you ain't first, you're last," I ponder these words as I reflect back on the gloriousness that has been the 2016 regular season.

We've seen a little bit of everything this season, but mostly we've seen a whole lot of the same as once again Prestige Worldwide (13-1) has won the regular season crown.

We've seen the highs - Lionel Richie All Night Long (8-6) - 185 points in week 3

We've seen the lows - Legendary Dozers (4-10) - 25 points in week 9

We've seen All About the Benjamins (6-6-2) squander what was arguably the best keeper selections and not make the playoffs again thanks to poor drafting and horrible managerial skills. We still don't under the $30 for Treadwell move.

We've seen one team despite it's best efforts still make the playoffs even after the burdens of water head management, one-sided trades, and a puzzling draft, drop, add, and trade for waiver wire strategy. I'm talking about the little engine that could...Because Shawn Hated TY (9-5).

The regular season standings are as follows in case you care:

 

Congratulations are in order for our three (3) Division winners

Ralph - Team Stenmark (7-7) - 1,473 points scored; someone had to win this sad excuse for a Division. I hope whoever plays you in the first round enjoys an easy win.

Hamilton - Prestige Worldwide (13-1) - 1,721 points scored; oh look, you won again, we are sooooo happy for you...

Alford - Mr. Steal Your Gurley (9-5) - 1,731 points scored; what a difference two (2) years makes...no one even remembers your 4-9 performance during the 2014 season now sir!

A let's have a small clap for our other three (3) playoff teams:

 

From the Alford Division - Team Shaft (9-5) and Stormin Mormon (8-5-1)

From the Hamilton Division - Because Shawn Hated TY (9-5)

For all you other loser who didn't make it to the playoffs...

So gentlemen pay your money and better luck next year.

Let's get some regular season recognition shall we...

Most points scored - Mr. Steal Your Gurley (9-5) - 1,731 points

Least points scored - Legendary Dozers (4-10) - 1,268 points

Toughest Division - Alford - only one team finished below .500 and 5th place in this Division would have won the Ralph Division

Weakest Division - Ralph - not a single team had a winning season, this truly is the AFC South of Fantasy Football.

The Samsung Galaxy Note 7 My Team Has Gone Down in Heap of Flames Team of Year goes to....Legendary Dozers! Congratulations sir, we only thought you sucked at fantasy baseball....turns out your team plummeted faster than Tunsil's draft stock on draft day! We look forward to your new name next year and you being our bitch at the draft party...fins down...

Playoffs start on Thursday boys...

The Toilet Bowl

This week we celebrate a match-up that is equal parts Special Olympics, bad luck, and just pain uninspiring. I mean, why would we feature a matchup that will determine a Division winner or the four (4) other games that will determine who actually makes the playoffs when we can celebrate both of these epic failures...

It's only fitting that our great league's two (2) worst teams would meet in the final week of the regular season to determine who truly is a failure at life and fantasy football...

Team Schaeffer BMW (3-8-2) takes on Legendary Dozers (3-10) in what promises to be a low scoring affair in the week's Match-Up of the Week presented by Picadilly.

Let's take a look at how ESPN breaks it down....hmmm close one huh?

QB - Rodgers has a Q by his name and if you've heard the rumors then that's only fitting...I see this matchup on paper being a wash, but with Uncle Rico calling the plays it's anyone's call on who shows up for the Giant's offense. - EVEN

RB - With a name like Smallwood you know this kid got picked on constantly in high school...you sorta feel sorry him until you realize that he's making half a million dollars to run up and down a 100 yard field. - LGND

WR - Remember when DeSean Jackson was relevant...yeah me either... - RG2

WR - Dorial Green-Beckham is more likely to get arrested for pot again and push a chick down the stairs than score 9 points - LGND

TE - When you pay $28 for a player you better hope he delivers, especially when he's going against a player more likely to end up the practice squad to start next season - RG2

FLEX - Jordan Reed is a dick! Who gets injured then comes back to catch 10 passes for 95 yards and 2 touchdowns in the second half and then can't play the next week...this douchebag - LGND

FLEX - White receivers, I see a pattern here for this team...if only it correlated to their wins...oh wait, but then again, Gates is more likely to be taken off the field in a stretcher than find the end zone this week. - RG2

D/ST - The Bears don't get to play the niners every week you know... - RG2

K - I still don't care - EVEN

Final Thoughts - I really want this to end in a tie b/c these two (2) teams just plain suck. The real winner is you because you aren't either of these teams and you won't have to change your name next year or do our bidding at the draft party...

Unlucky 13

 

 

It doesn't get any better than this, one (1) week to go and only The Hamilton Division has been decided.

 

The Ralph Division comes down to whoever wins between Kenny Loggins Powers (6-7) and Team Stenmark (6-7), you read that right the winner of this Division will have a .500 record...talk about a free win in the playoffs! The Alford Division is a little more competitive and will be decided by if Team Shaft (9-4) or Mr. Steal Your Gurley (8-5) win their respective match-ups.

 

Prestige Worldwide (12-1) and Team Shaft (9-4) are locks for the playoffs while this last week's match-up will decide the fate for seven (7) other teams!

 

The only thing that is certain is that either Team Schaeffer BMW (3-8-2) or Legendary Dozers (3-10) will finish in last place.

 

 

Don't look now, but Philanthropist Fletch (4-7-2) has a better record that The Original RG (4-8-1)....if Fletch is able to somehow take down Mr. Steal Your Gurley this week he'll pocket crisp cool 5 spot from Mr. RG himself, which is something that hasn't happened in years. Here's cheering for you kid!

 

 

 

I know the Blog has been slacking lately and I take complete responsibility for this. I promise to have an in-depth review of the regular season next week and an exciting playoff preview for you also.

 

Week 12 Match-Up of the Week

With two (2) weeks to go several match-ups this week could contribute to teams making or missing the playoffs!

I'd love to write up a review of some of these matchups, but five (5) of you still have not set your lineups for this week with the Thursday night game hours away.

Now maybe this is because you all do not know that the NFL plays a Thursday night game, you're lazy, or maybe, just maybe...you don't really care anymore and much like an owner in the league, you just "gave up" on your season, life, and your waist line.

So hopefully when I wake up in the morning you five (5) will have somehow made your way to a computer and filled your bye week players with some no name off our stellar waiver wire and I can actually write a thoughtful and compelling write-up.

I'm not holding my breathe though, you've all failed me before.

Congrats to our two time defending regular season champion Prestige Worldwide!

 

 

 

O Champion! our Champion! our fearful regular season is already done,

Your team has weather’d every bye week, the championship we sought, you won,

The playoffs are near, the loud expletives from other's I hear, while your bank account is exulting,

While follow envious eyes the steady Prestige Worldwide, the team grim and daring;

                         But O heart! heart! heart!

                            O the bleeding drops of red,

                               Where we all pray that our Champion lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

O Champion! our Champion! rise up and hear the yells;

Rise up—for you the W flag is flung—for you the message board trills,

For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you around your desk Delicious is a-crowding,

For you they curse, the other managers, their eager faces turning;

                         Here Champion! dear Doughnut's father!

                            This arm beneath your head!

                               It is our dreams that behind your computer screen,

                                 You’ve fallen cold and dead.

Our Champion does not answer, his lips are pale and still,

Our Champion does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,

The regular season is closed and done,

From fearful byes weeks and regular season matchups Prestige Worldwide comes in with our championship won;

                         Exult O shores, and ring O bells!

                            But I with mournful tread,

                               Walk the deck our Champion lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

This Is Why Some People Will Never Win This League

ARE YOU MENTALLY RETARDED?

Just when you think these two idiots can't can make anymore boneheaded moves they go an do something like this that just leaves you scratching your head...

I hope one of you suffers from food poisoning at the Piccadilly this Thanksgiving.