All Hail All About the Benjamin's...
Somehow this gutter team for the last three (3) years managed to put up 171 points during the first weekend of football and snag himself a crisp Hamilton in the process.
I guess what they say is really true...even a blind Pig manages to find a Pumpkin every now and then.
So we all salute you sir for the performance of a lifetime by your imaginary team of multimillionaires. Don't get used to this feeling you'll barely crack 50 next week.
Death, Taxes, and Philanthropist Fletch leaving points on the bench...These things never change.
Just like in your professional career, those you manage either quit on you or go on to do better things elsewhere, namely your bench.
If Fletch had just played Stefon Diggs or Mr. Salsa Dance himself Victor Cruz, he'd of easily held off those pesky Mormons, but instead he put his faith in Kamar Aiken and his "elite" QB only to come up 3 points shy of a week 1 victory.
Better go ahead and take $140 out of the bank now and save yourself a trip in December. Lucky for you sir, there were no official Calcutta's...
Last week's matchup of the week did not live up to ESPN's projections, wow, go figure there....Actually a big WHAT THE FLYING HELL to ESPN on Sunday.
Apparently it was a Special Olympics version of running a Fantasy Football website on Sunday. The app and website when down more than Hilary at the 9/11 memorial, only problem was, there weren't any Secret Service Agents to get the app and website up and running speedily.
ESPN, it's evident that you care more about the political ramblings or your anchors than Fantasy Football. You don't care about us! This mostly notably is seen by your constant shoving the opinions/advice of Matthew Berry down our throats.
When was the last time that ass clown won a fantasy matchup? No, someone please tell me!
But what else would you expect for a company run by Disney, no wonder a kid got eaten by an alligator on your watch Disney...FAIL...No your half-hearted "apology" on your front page doesn't make me feel better...try again...specifically by leaving Matthew Berry out on that beach at Dusk...
Last week's I Totally Forgot They Play Football on Sunday's Award goes to My Dak In A Box.
This team was projected to score the most points in the league (123) during week 1 only tie for the least (100).
You two (2) gentlemen should be appalled at the performance of your "team." If it wasn't for Alex Smith, All About the Benjamin's would've beat your ass by 100. Remember the goal each week is win, not suck. Maybe what your team needs is a little "ass-chewing" from good ole Uncle Nick...
This week's Matchup of the Week sponsored by Wal-Mart (official* team supplier of Alabama football) finds Team Fox (1-0) taking on For Whom the Bell Tolls (0-1).
ESPN projects a 1 point line on the game, which means it'll be closers to 35.
So let's get to the breakdown:
QB - Stafford again gets to take on one of the worst pass defenses in the leagues so I'm giving the edge to FWTBT
RB - The ageless wonder that is DeAngelo Williams rolls on - FWTBT
WR - I'm going to go with FWTBT just because he has Edelman and I can respect a guy who bangs random girls off Tinder only to ends up on their SnapChat stories. That's enough to get the nod in my books - FWTBT
TE - The Colts are going to be behind a lot this year and in Denver - FOX
FLEX - Just for the fact that FWTBT has Kenny Stills I have to go the other direction - FOX
D/ST - The Saints are going to score, just not as much as the Giants - FOX
K - Who cares again - EVEN
Well it's looking like Time marches on....For Whom The Bell Tolls.
See you on the flipside...
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